The holiday season is painful enough on my already taxed mind that the desire to have a seizure caused in my brain jumps drastically.
I’m referring to ECT, or electroconvulsive “shock” therapy which can help with severe depression, especially when other treatments have not been effective. around the holiday season, starting in mid October, my depression and obsessive thoughts about not being a mom jump through the roof and I often find it impossible to even leave my room or stray from the house without crying and or anxiety attacks.
Advertisements and commercials are everywhere. It certainly does not help matters that I have several little cousins who I see every Christmas and that I send cards and little treats to underprivileged toddlers in the mail.
I “just” have an orthodontist appointment and class today but the mere thought of leaving the house makes me long to brave the needle for anestheia and try something that used to sound terrifying.
If I didn’t have family in California, I would, without hesitation, buy a bus ticket and go out somewhere in Montana to be alone for the holidays. I really really wish I could. One of these years I will.
I swear my loathing of the holidays doesn’t make me Scrooge. I think.