I seriously don’t even know why I bother to type things anymore. I guess lately I’m often too tied and apathetic to even reach for a spare scrap of paper. And I guess partly, if unfortunately I am still around in the future, I want to be able to look back and know what I […]Read more "Year’s End Rant"
I used to have something to look forward to. A huge change. A whole new enviroment to look forward to. I guess I’m a sore loser. Because now that I have nothing, I don’t know where to go from here. I have no freaking clue. I was so excited for a while. I thought, things […]Read more "Sore Loser/If shock therapy doesn’t work"
I really did not expect to take the end this badly. What is there to be surprised by by now? People come and people go. They come and are still and peaceful and say the right things and you start to think that things will be different this time. And then they go, destroying […]Read more "The bad days"
Therapy session yesterday: “It’s like the stages of grief keep on repeating themselves, I don’t get it.” “Well, I get it, it’s really hard to grieve someone who isn’t really dead, because you hear from him or about him and know that he’s really alive.” I don’t wish he was dead, most of the time, […]Read more "Mourning the living/shock therapy"
I’m trying to find comfort in the fact that you have genuinely made me stronger. It’s not a cliche. It’s falling apart and building back up all at the same time. Maybe with walls of iron this time, so that nothing like this can ever happen again. Maybe with a heart of steel so that […]Read more "Moving on"
I have to reexamine whose in my life, why they were there in the first place, if they are doing me any good. It sounds good to the ears when someone says they’re there for you, but it means more when they actually are. Sometimes though, intentionally or not, the people you rely on to […]Read more "Shock/Empty"
Very lately, I’ve been starting to think I don’t belong here. True, many people have heard me complain about the dirt covered, tumbleweed infested city here in Southern California that I happen to have been born into, and which for reasons unbeknownst to me, my mom and Pop-o are still loyal to. No, this is […]Read more "My soul’s somewhere else"